Back in Udupi

Well, we finished up our trip to Kolkata with a stomach virus.  Jasmine and I both got it.  She had it worse, but I had it longer.  We were able to make the trip back to Bangalore thanks to medications and first class train tickets.  We ended up spending an extra couple of days in Bangalore, though.  The overnight buses don't have bathrooms and don't have scheduled stops.  So, we got to spend an extra couple of days with our neice, her husband and their 18 months old son.  We had a really nice time with them.  On the day that I thought I was over the bug, we went to a "safari" at a wildlife rescue center.  It was pretty cool.  This place rescues and rehabilitates wild animals and then releases them back into the wild.  We saw lions, tigers (including white tigers), bears, dear, buffalo, and antelope.  They also had a butterfly garden which was really cool.  I generally don't go to zoos because the animals there are often captured in the wild under bad circumstances and sold to zoos for recreational purposes.  I don't want to pay people to do that.  So, whenever we get a chance to visit a wildlife rehabilitation facility we jump on it.  We drove through the park in a shuttle van which was wrapped in protective wires.  When we got to the tiger section they had a double lock gate for security.  We drove in through the first gate which was then shut and locked behind us before the second gate was opened for us to go through.  They can't have tigers wandering into the other areas, so this is part of the safety precautions.  Overall, it was a very nice time.

After having to cancel and change our bus tickets twice, we ended up on an overnight bus again.  This time it wasn't a sleeper though.  It just had nice, comfortable seats that reclined way back.  It was actually much more comfortable than being on the top bunk of the sleeper bus.  I also took some motion sickness meds before we left which pretty much knocked me out so the trip was much quicker than I expected.  I think it was 9 hours. 

So, Jasmine and I are back in Udupi.  Vikas, Vishal and Vilas had to go to Mumbai for a funeral.  One of their uncles passed away while we were in Kolkata so they left yesterday to attend his 13th day ritual.  They had an overnight bus journey, so Vikas has spent a lot of time on buses in the past few days.  They'll leave tomorrow to come back to Udupi.  After that we'll be here until we leave for Rajasthan around the 18th of January.  The weather has cooled off considerably so it's pretty pleasant here now.  I'm not sure what all we'll be doing before we leave again.  I'm working on costuming right now, constructing belts.  That will keep me pretty busy.

Oh, Jamsine has started cooking tomato omelets for herself each day.  For those of you who don't know this yet, the south Indian omelets are made from chickpea flour batter instead of eggs.  Now that Jasmine has learned how to make them she is in the kitchen a couple of times a day asking if she can cook them for herself.  This is a great sign to me.  Soon, she'll be doing a lot of the cooking and Vikas and I will get a break. ;-)

Trains and Temples

We had a nice stay in Bangalore at our cousin's house.  She has 2 daughters so Jasmine was happy.  She warmed up to them very quickly and they got along great.  We were only there for one day but it was a good one.  Our cousin, Chetan, was a bit surprised to learn that Jasmine and I can't eat chilies and was worried to death that the food didn't have any flavor at all every time she cooked for us.  The food was actually delicious every meal.  She was also shocked to see us make tea using coconut milk instead of cow milk.  That's also really good when you have the right proportions, but she didn't believe us and wouldn't try it.  I'm not trying to single her out, though.  This has been the reaction of everyone across the board here.  Milk is such a huge part of the hindu lifestyle that they really have a hard time understanding how you can not have it.  It's an interesting perspective they have.  They feel that they must have milk for 2 reasons.  One is that they believe it's very nourishing,  and the other is that they believe the cow represents the mother, or God, and to refuse the milk is to turn your back on God.  That's my understanding of the situation anyway and I apologize if I got any part of that wrong.)  The sad thing is that the horrendous practice of torturing cows to get large quantities of milk and then slaughtering them once they can longer produce milk have made their way into India now, too.  Most people here aren't aware of that, though.  It used to be that dairy cows were very well treated here, according to everyone we've discussed this with, but along with the "bottom line" mentality of the west that crept into India has come these shameful practices.  Anyway, I digress.  You really stopped here to read about Trains and Temples so let me move on.

The train ride was nice.  The train itself wasn't spectacular, but it was clean and comfortable.  There are 4 beds in each compartment and we ended up not sharing the room with a 4th passenger so we had the entire compartment to ourselves.  It was nice to be able to completely relax and to get up and walk around as much as we wanted to.  They served meals and snacks throughout the journey so we never got hungry.  We saw some beautiful scenery along the way.  There were lots of beautiful green fields, several lakes and rivers and lots of little villages.  At a couple of places along the way we looked out the window and saw these huge piles of boulders all stacked up into mountains.  They seemed to be naturally occurring, but really looked as if some giant had made big stacks of what would have been pebbles to him.  There were a couple of places where you'd see a huge boulder sitting on top of a larger one, balanced on a small corner or something.  I think I got some pictures of that so I'll try to get them uploaded soon.  When we got to the different stations we inevitably saw scenes of things like cows grazing by the railroad tracks and at one station I looked up and saw a huge pig come walking across the tracks.  That was a bit surprising.  I'm used to seeing cows everywhere here but I haven't seen a lot of pigs walking around.  A little further up the way there was a group of pigs, including a nursing mom with a few piglets having a snack.  Oh, and at one station we finally saw some monkeys. 

When we got to the station in Kolkata our niece, Pooja, was there at the train to meet us and we had no trouble getting to the car (which was parked right at the train) and getting to her home.  It's been very nice staying here.  They have a beautiful house with a lovely garden in the back and two Dalmatians.  They also have a parrot, a small pond full of goldfish and a small aviary.  Jasmine has been having the time of her life here.  Every morning the whole family (there are 3 generations living in this house) goes out to the garden to have tea and spend time with the plants and animals.  Jasmine has been going with Pooja's father-in-law to walk the dogs every morning before I even wake up.  We've really been enjoying spending time with Pooja and her new family.  They are really very nice people and we all get along so easily.

The house is only a couple of blocks from the Birla Temple here in Kolkata.  This is a famous temple built by a successful businessman who has erected several of this Krishna temples in different places.  We walked up to the temple yesterday for a visit. It's very beautiful.  The architecture is really interesting and has lots of beautiful carvings all over it.  The energy there was peaceful and relaxed.  We all enjoyed it very much.  However, as many of you probably already know, Kolkata is the land of Kali.  So, we obviously had to visit a Kali temple while we were here.  This morning Pooja's mother-in-law took us to the major Kali temple here in town.  It turns out that Saturday is the day of Kali so it was very, very busy.  Just getting into the temple ground was a bit of a maze.  We made our way up to the actually temple with some effort and squeezed our way in toward the door where we got wedged into a traffic jam of people moving in both directions.  It was really chaos.  Poor Jasmine got so overwhelmed at one point that she started crying.   There was no way we were going to be able to get into the actual room to do puja so we prayed from outside looking toward the Kali (which Jasmine finally got to see by standing up on the ledge but Vikas and I never did) and then made our way out.  It was madness.  So, Auntie took the offerings we got to give at that temple and took us to a smaller temple they call the Lake temple and we did puja there instead.  It was completely different. Very easy going and peaceful but powerful feeling.  When I go to a Kali temple I always get a surge of emotion and energy when I stand before Kali.  That obviously didn't happen at the big temple today, but definitely did at the second one.  It was good to experience the difference between the two places and it all ended up being quite a nice experience.

So, now we're getting ready to go to a private club with everyone for dinner tonight.  That means I have to wrap this up for now but I'll be posting pics to go along with the blog either later tonight or tomorrow and will have plenty more to blog about. 

Of Sleeper Buses and Screech Owls

Well, we made it to Bangalore on the overnight sleeper bus.  It was quite an adventure.  The bus itself was nice.  The beds were actually pretty comfortable and there were reading lights and curtains for privacy.  The layout has 2 beds side by side in one compartment with no divider, and one bed across the isle.  When Vikas booked the tickets he was under the impression that we had 2 beds on one side and the third one was across the isle.  It turned out that the tickets were actually for the two on one side and one of the beds in the next two bed compartment.  So, we ended up all three in one two bed compartment.  Vikas and I weren't comfortable with him having to sleep next to a total stranger, and I certainly wasn't going to be able to do it.  That ended up being OK, too.  It wasn't too bad and in a way was nice and cozy to all be there together.  The not so good part was the bouncing and jerking around due to the poor roads.  The worst was when we were crossing the ghats, a set of mountains that lies between Mangalore and Bangalore.  It seems that there are just narrow roads winding around the circumference of the mountains .  There has been too much rain this year and the roads were all in very bad condition, so we were bouncing around the whole time, and I mean REALLY bouncing around.  I didn't get any sleep, and I don't think Vikas did either, but Jasmine slept like a baby.  We're planning to try to change our return tickets to a daytime bus with comfortable seats instead of beds.

On to the screech owls.... I've been meaning to blog about this for a while.  There are a couple of screech owls that hang out outside our bedroom window.  I think they actually perch on the building next to ours and hunt from there.  The make the scariest noise.  When they first come and you're not expecting it, it can almost make you jump out of your skin.  So several nights Vikas and I have laid there and laughed at how loud it is and how startling it can be.  A few nights ago we're sure we heard their successful hunt.  It was even louder than usual. 

Coming up.......Pig walking on train tracks,  cows out the windows and stone mountains.

The Perpetual Pursuit of the Perfect Pleat

Sarees.  Who doesn't love them?  6 meters of gorgeous fabric, embellished with beautiful designs, embroidery, beads, sequins.  They come in cotton, silk, crepe, and a variety of different synthetic materials in all colors.  It's impossible not to look feminine in one, and almost impossible not to look graceful in one.  There are 108 ways to drape them.  They just seem to shout, "Look at me!  I'm so cool!"  So, it's no wonder that as soon as I met my husband I bought a saree (or sari) and tried to teach myself how to wear it.  I think back now to that first time I wore one, to the Indian restaurant no less.  What a mess I was.  I'm embarrassed for myself and all the Indians who had to see that spectacle every time I think about it.

When Vikas and I came to India to get married, my very gracious mother-in-law (whom I affectionately call "Sasu") was nice enough to try to teach me how to drape the saree properly.  When she wrapped it around me, it was beautiful.  So neat and tidy.  I paid careful attention so that I could recreate that look.  She had this way of making the saree show off my curves that was pretty amazing.  So, the next time we were going to her house, I picked out a beautiful blue cotton saree based on blue being my father-in-laws favorite color of the ones that I had, per Vikas.  I was so proud of myself.   I managed to get it draped all by myself and Vikas said I looked beautiful.  So, off to the in-laws we go.  When we got there we walked in and, using the opportunity to try to speak to them in hindi, I looked at them and said "Passand Aiah?"  That means "Do you like it?" in hindi.  I'll never forget for as long as I live the moment that followed.   My sweet, accepting, VERY gracious Sasu looked at me and said, " I thought I showed you, no?" 

So, for the last 11 years, I've been working on getting the saree right.  It's all about the pleats.  There are pleats that hang off of the shoulder to display the paloo which is the ornate end of the saree, and there are pleats in the front of the skirt.  Most of the fabric is taken up in the skirt pleats.  This is where my troubles always land.  In order for the saree to look proper, the pleats have to be evenly folded in the front and at the bottom hem.  It's seems that no matter how many times I drape the saree and work on getting the pleats right, that top pleat that's the most visible is usually not right.  And let's face it, it's impossible for me to be inconspicuous in India whether I'm wearing a saree or not.  But, when I wear a saree I get looked at three times as much.  People are surprised to see a white person in a saree and I think most of them are delighted to see foreigners taking such interest in their national dress.  I want to get it right for me and for them. 

It's been a long process for me but I think I look at least presentable in a saree now.  I usually get complements from the ladies saying I've done a good job putting it on and that I wear it nicely.  I'm pleased wit the progress I've made so far, but for now, I'm still in perpetual pursuit of the perfect pleat.

Sleeper busses and coconuts

We've booked our tickets for our trip to Kolkata (formerly Calcutta).  Calcutta was the English name for the city during their imperial rule of India.  After gaining independence in 1947, many cities in India chose to cast off the names imposed on them by the English and revert to native words with meanings relevant to the area.  Kolkota is most likely linked to the Goddess Kali, who is the main deity in that area, or a village in the area with a similar name.  Bombay also threw off the name imposed on them and changed it to Mumbai in honor of a local goddess.  Most of the natives still call it Bombay, though.  Same thing for Madras changing to Chennai etc.

Anyway, we are going to Kolkata on December 12th for a week long visit with our niece Pooja and her husband and his family.  We've never been to Kolkata and they haven't had any visitors other than her parents since she moved there, so this is an exciting trip for all of us.  In order to get there we'll take an express train from Bangalore which takes about 28 hours.  We're basically crossing the entire country on this trip.  I'm excited to see the scenery and Jasmine is excited about the whole train trip and especially sleeping on the train.  That, however, will be second part of the trip.  First, we have to get to Bangalore (Bengalauru).  Most people have heard of Bangalore by now because so much technology is coming out of there, and so many call centers have been moved there in the last several years.  (There is even a Ritz Carlton under construction in Bangalore. )  In order to get to Bangalore we have to take an overnight "sleeper bus."  I've never been on one and didn't even know they existed.  Apparently this one has only been in service here for less than a month.  There are 36 beds on this bus, each with privacy curtains and air conditioning as I understand it.  It should be an adventure.  Jasmine is definitely stoked about it.  We'll see how excited she is after riding in a bumpy bus all night, though.  ;-)  One think I'm definitely looking forward to is the cooler weather in Kolkata.  I'm really tired of being hot.

One of the great things about this part of the country is the proliferation of coconut trees.  Almost every meal here has some kind of coconut product in it.  In our house, there are at least 2 fresh coconuts grated every day.  And there are different types of coconuts as well.  For the yummy, sweet flesh that we're all used to, there are the little brown hairy coconuts like the ones we can get in the grocery stores at home.  For medicinal uses, there are the young, tender coconuts that are green and full of water.  I think the difference is just a matter of maturity of the coconut.  The young tender coconuts are very prized here and it is believed that drinking the water of the coconut will protect you from all kinds of diseases.  It is especially good for your belly.  If you have any stomach complaint at all, you'll be given a young, tender coconut to drink.  You can get one on most street corners.  They have little stands that are just piled up with them, and the shop keeper will chop the top off of one, poke a whole in the remaining skin and stick a straw in it for you.  It's really refreshing when it's hot outside.  I love to drink them.  In fact, they are now selling coconut water as a sports drink in the health food stores in America.  Several of us in the dance company have been buying them for a while because they have a perfect electrolyte balance.   They can cost up to $2 for a small box at home, and here I'm getting the equivalent of 3 boxes for about 25 cents.   I'm going to miss that when we go home.

We're in the process of having lots of beautiful costuming pieces made here.  We've been shopping for fabrics and consulting with our tailor on a regular basis.   He is supposed to have some pantaloons ready for me this evening.  As soon as we get them I'll be posting them on Facebook for purchase.  I'll make a note here as well.  I'm excited about the new designs. :-)

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.  Will write again soon.  Keep the comments coming.  It helps us feel connected.

Panchakarma and Tulsi puja

I've had the panchakarma treatments for 7 days now.  The ayurvedic massage is much more of an oil bath with some massage.  I think the concept is to get as much oil into the skin as possible, so they basically spend about and hour or so pouring warm medicated oils on my head and body.  That part is nice.  Because of all the oil, the tables are either hard plastic or wood, so that's not comfortable.  I was on a plastic table every time.  I guess it might not be so uncomfortable for everybody, but my joints are very bony so that's what was uncomfortable.  So far, my skin feels really good and I'm surviving without tea.  I'm actually doing much better than I expected to be with no tea in the mornings.  That's a big plus.

A few days ago our nephews told us about a science fair at the hotel right by the flat.  We went with them and looked around at everything for a while.  It was really interesting.  There were several groups there that had made all natural perfumes from flowers and herbs and spices.  There were also exhibits on hydrolics, green house farming, robotics and geology.  Jasmine had a good time looking around.  The kids were very enthusiastic and we were impressed with the quality of the projects.  They also had a little stage show with lazer lights and aliens.  I didn't totally understand it but I think it was just to show off the lazer light technology and cool alien costumes for the kids.

My oldest brother in law, Vishu, took a short trip to Kashi (Hindu holy place).  He took some of Papa's ashes as a fulfillment of his and Papa's wishes. I think that's such a wonderful thing to do. 

A couple of days ago there was a function at my MIL's family house.  It's an annual event for the tulsi plant at the house.  I know for some of you are not familiar with Hindu or other nature based religions may find that odd, but it was pretty cool.  This plant, tulsi, is considered sacred here and it represents a goddess.  The tulsi plant is considered so useful that it can fill any need you have.  Some of you may have seen tulsi tea in the health/natural food stores, so you know it has medicinal qualities.  So, once a year the male family members are expected to go to the family house and do this puja.  The plant lives in a permanent concrete pedestal in the front yard.  This is decorated with flower garlands and little oil lamps called "diyas."  It looks so pretty when it's all lit up.  Then, a priest comes to the house and does the actual puja as far as doing the prayers and all, and the family follows.  Jasmine had some fireworks left from what we got for Divali, so they lit them at the appropriate time near the end of the puja. It's quite nice.  It happens on the night of full moon and is connected with a procession of the gods from a nearby temple.  We did the tulsi puja at the house at around 7:00pm and sometime around midnight the procession came to our street.  They take the sliver and gold statues of the gods out of the temples and walk through the town with them.  The one that came to our house was a huge silver goddess.  We had diyas and oil lamps lit in front of the house and a place set up for the priests to sit the platform on, so they stopped there and did a small blessing.  Of course we give money for each of the pujas, so there is an exchange.  (Kind of like giving your offering in church in the Christian tradition.)   At the end of each of the pujas the priest waves a metal plate with an oil wick fire on it around and we pass our hands over it and then touch our heads, that is taking the blessings.  They also give paste of sandalwood and another red colored paste that comes from the temple and that's what you put on your forehead.  After we took the blessings they took the goddess on the platform and went back down the street.  Just a few minutes later the gold statue met up with the silver one down the street and the guys who had been carrying them around for hours on the platforms on their shoulders stopped and ate.  We had followed the procession, not knowing they were meeting up to take their break, and ended up standing there when they started to get out all the food, etc.  Our cousin who was with us knows some of the local priests so they invited him to sit down with them, which was a very kind gesture, but we didn't because it was they who had worked hard and earned the food.  So we walked back to the house and cleaned up the ritual items, leaving the little diyas out for the gods, and went to bed.  (Most of us had been asleep before the procession came.)  It was just my MIL, two brother in laws (Vishal and Anu), me, Jasmine, our cousin Satish (who had arranged everything), his wife and son.  Then we drove back very early the next morning.

The roads here are so bad that it usually takes a long time to get anywhere, especially in the cities.  There is so much traffic and the traffic laws aren't as rigidly enforced here so it's always very chaotic.  Going to the house took about 45 minutes, I think.  Coming home, when nobody was out on the roads yet, I think it took us about 20  or 25 minutes.  Really, the driving situation here is so bad, it's a wonder people ever get anywhere when they are driving.  But, I've got to tell you, I am so impressed with the skills of the drivers.  It's like they all have some mental connection so everybody knows where everybody else is at all times.  There is so much weaving in and out, passing, and honking going on.  But, everyone stops when they need to, and goes when they need to, and I've only seen one incident since I got here.   This poor lady carrying a big basket of fish was hit by a car.  I didn't actually see her get hit, but when we passed by her fish were scattered all over the road and she was clutching her back and having what looked like an unpleasant conversation with the driver.  But, that's the only time I've seen anything like that happen.  There is a pretty big campaign here to widen the main roads which is a good thing, but at the cost of a lot of beautiful trees in some places.  I guess there's always a price for progress.

I think that's enough info to digest at once for now. ;-)  I'll try to get some pics uploaded soon.  I can't access the wifi with my phone here so it's taking a little longer.  Soon though.

Ayurveda

For those who don't know, Ayurveda is a system of traditional medicine and lifestyle management developed in India over 3,500 years ago.  It is still widely practiced here and is used as a form of "complimentary medicine" in western culture. 

I had an appointment with an Ayurvedic doctor at the Ayurvedic college here in Udupi earlier today.  The good news is that his prescription for me for was a 1/12 - 2 hour Ayurvedic massage every day for 7 days.  Yay!  More good news is that he confirmed that I should not eat spicy foods like chilis, or bitter foods, which I don't care for anyway.  The not so good part of the prescription is that I can't have any cold foods, fried foods or soy products.  Since it's still miserably hot here, I am a southern girl, and I use soy milk for my masala chai to wake me up every morning, this part is going to be challenging.  I'm looking forward to the treatments, though, and to seeing how it affects my energy level in the end.  My first massage appointment is at 9:00am tomorrow.  I'll blog about it afterwords. 

In the mean time, Vikas was successful in arranging daily harmonium lessons for Jasmine. :-)  The teacher's shop is just a short walk from the flat so that is an added bonus.  Jasmine hasn't been getting enough exercise since we got here. It's way too hot to put her in dance classes during the day and all the other kids are in school, so a daily walk will be a great addition for her. 

Family is doing well.  I think my MIL is more at ease since she's back to a somewhat normal daily routine.  She made this crazy yummy dosas this morning that are made from a batter of fermented rice flour and coconut.  I want to learn to make them but I don't know if I'll be able to make them at home because they have to be cooked on a special clay pan.  I'll have to see what I can do about getting one.  Maybe I can get one at one of the Indian grocery stores in Atlanta.  Hmmm.

That's it for now.  I have to see what I can drink to get me through the afternoon since I can't have masala chai or a cold cola.

Recovery

Well, Vikas's fever finally broke after 5 days.  The three of us have passed around this yucky virus ever since we got here.  I'm relieved that it wasn't malaria.  It's a bit concerning being in a place where malaria is still prevalent.  So far so good, though. 

Now that things have settled down a bit we've been trying to get into a routine with Jasmine's school stuff.  It's a challenge since I have a hard time sticking to routines.  I tend to rest when my body tells me to and get things done when I have the energy, and that doesn't happen on a schedule, unfortunately.  I think we're doing OK, though.  Journal writing, math and flute practice are happening pretty regularly.  We're also in the process of arranging music lessons and hopefully dance lessons for her.  We're supposed to go to a musical instrument shop this afternoon to take a look at all the Indian instruments they have.  She wants to get a harmonium since she found out that her Ajji (grandmother) played one.  And if she's got a passion for something we want to support it because there are always learning opportunities when you're interested in something. 


We're planning to do some traveling soon.  Calcutta, Bangalore and Rajasthan are all on the agenda.  We have family to visit in Calcutta and Bangalore, and I'm teaching and taking classes at Colleena Shakti's School in January.  I'm looking forward to seeing more of India.  I've been to Rajasthan before but not to Calcutta and Bangalore.  I'll be sure to take lots of pics.

Muggles, The Dark Lord and Magic in India

Muggles:  All of you with children know how the kids of today hate to be called "muggles" since the Harry Potter series exploded in popularity, right?  Well, a few years ago when we started reading the books as a family Jasmine was very dismayed to find out that she is absolutely, positively, 100% muggle.  Unfortunately for her, in her father's language "muggle" means daughter so she's been referred to as a muggle non-stop for the past couple of weeks.  Poor girl.

The Dark Lord:  Well, not a "Dark Lord" actually, but a really bad guy.  Right now is Diwali time in India.  "Also known as Deepavali and Divali."  This is the festival of lights that celebrates the victory of good over evil.  There are several versions of the story, but a good short one is that Lord Ram, a version of Vishnu, defeated a very bad guy named Ravana and returned home.  Upon his return he was greeted with lamps and lights and lots of celebration.  Indian's love to celebrate Diwali.  There is traditional eating of sweets, wearing of new clothes, gift giving, and LOTS of firecrackers and sparklers.  It actually last for 3 days but we couldn't really start celebrating until today since we were still officially in mourning until today.  However, Jasmine went down to the courtyard last night where some of the children from the building shared some of their sparklers with her.  She really had a good time.  We're hoping to get some fireworks for tonight's celebration.

Magic: Yesterday (Nov 5) was the final, final day of ceremonies and rituals related to my father-in-law's passing.  The previous day there was a function at Vikas's mom's family house with a small ceremony and a lunch.  It seems that almost 300 people were there, just like the one a few days ago.  I, unfortunately, wasn't able to attend that one because I woke up sick.  (We've been passing around a yucky virus.)  Yesterday there was an additional ritual based on the fact that Vikas's dad passed away at an "un-auspicious" or bad time.  The priests believed that because of the way the stars were aligned at the time of his death, there was a chance that 3 more people close to the family might die.  So, yesterday was spent doing special rituals to insure the safety of the family and also the final peaceful send off for dad.  There was lots of fire and rice involved.  The 4 brothers and the sister all had to sit with the priests while they chanted mantras and did rituals.  There was rangoli (making of elaborate designs with rice powder on the floor), rice throwing, water drinking and lots of fire.  Vikas said the priests were explaining that death is imminent for all living things and how god exists in all living things.  He said they needed to make an offering to send up, but most things are pulled down by gravity.  Fire, on the other hand, defies gravity and goes up, so that was the medium for the offerings.  There were several times when everyone there had to walk around the fire and make offerings of rice or flowers, and at one or two points everyone was supposed to repeat some sanskrit phrases, but I didn't have any idea what they were saying so I just stood there with my hands folded in prayer position.  The most important part of the ritual is called the "pind-daan."  This would have had to happen regardless of the time of his death.  For this part, the 2nd son, Vishal, had to make a mixture of black sesame seeds and rice flour that was shaped into a ball, then everyone prayed over it and put a rice offering on it.  After all those rituals were performed, the brothers and sister (plus Jasmine) had to walk barefoot to the beach 1.5 kilometers away to throw his remaining ashes into the ocean.  The "pind-daan" mixture had to be submerged in the sea.  After that they had to face south and dip themselves under the water 3 times each, turn their backs to the sea and throw the clay pot containing the remains backwards over their heads.  Lastly, the coconut from the rituals was dipped 3 times into the ocean. That coconut was brought home and tied to a Jackfruit Tree and later served as part of the dinner. It was interesting to watch.  The brothers all had to wear white "lungis" which is the traditional cloth that men wear. So, with their shaved heads and lungis they looked like hindu monks wading out into the ocean.  Finally, last night we had to place a serving of food on a banana leaf for dad again before we could eat.  After that meal, all the rituals were complete.  That means that the fasting from fried foods is over, MIL can go back to cooking in the kitchen, and everyone is safe.

The beach yesterday was beautiful.  The sand was so white, and there were obviously lots of coconut trees so it was quite nice.  We plan to go back soon for a fun visit.  Jasmine wanted to play in the water so badly.  Vikas finally let her wade in in her new clothes but they could only stay for a couple of minutes.  We look forward to going back. 

Land of Contradictions

If I had to choose one phrase to describe India it would definitely be "a land of contradictions."  That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it does keep things interesting.  I think it was the last time I was here that Will Smith was in India and was quoted in the paper as saying, "Anything that is true in India, the opposite is also true."  Here are some examples of what I mean:

• My MIL's house has marble floors and granite counter tops, but no air conditioning.

• I can have a weeks worth of clothes dry-cleaned for $2.50 but a washing machine is very pricey.

• You see a beautiful Indian woman impeccably dressed in a gorgeous sari, perfect makeup and hair swept up into a stunning up-do.....  riding on the back of a scooter with a child in her lap, a husband driving and another child standing in front of the husband, weaving in and out of buses, cars and bikes.

• Vikas calls a shop at 9:00 am the other day and asks "Are you open?"  "Yes," the person says.  "What are your hours?"  "10:00 - 6:00" is the reply.  "So I can come in now?"  "No! We're open from 10:00 - 6:00."   sigh.....

• You're expected to make a full breakfast for the entire family BEFORE you have your tea in the morning.  That one doesn't need explaining does it?  (Fortunately my family is not unreasonable and there's someone else here doing most of the cooking for a few days.)

India always keeps me guessing.  I guess maybe that's why some of the smartest people in technology and medicine are coming out of India.  You have to be able to hold two conflicting beliefs in your head at all times in order to function here, and you have to be willing to think outside the box and go with the flow.  That's also why a visit to India is always a life-changing experience.  Everyone who's ever visited here says the same thing.  It definitely forces you to grow.

I'm grateful that we are here to spend time with Vikas's family and for Jasmine to have the experience of living in India for a while.  I know that this is the best education we can give her right now.

Traditions

The day before yesterday was the 13th day since my father-in-law's death.  There are several days that have special significance and that was one of them.  The four sons were required to go to his "native place" (the house where he grew up) and perform some rituals.  In a strange coincidence, the 13th day fell on October 31st.  The strange thing about it is that one of the rituals involves the father's family feeding the sons pumpkin.  Interesting, huh?  No Halloween for us this year but Vikas still had to do Pumpkin activities.

Then yesterday was a big function involving all of his father's family.  There is a tradition here where the sons have to take the father's ashes to his native place for a final ceremony.  It's a bitter-sweet tradition in my opinion.  Let me give you some background on Vikas's community.  First of all, in India there is not only caste and religious divisions, but within those categories there is also a very important section called your "community."  Your community is really what dictates the customs and traditions your family lives by.  You are not allowed to marry outside of your own community.  Vikas's community is "Shetty" or, more specifically "bunt."  The bunt community is matralineal by tradition.  That means that the property is passed down through the daughters of the family instead of the sons.  In a way, I think this is a very good tradition because it kind of insures that the women will never be tossed out onto the street.  The other side of it, though, is that when your husband dies, you have no rights what-so-ever to his home or belongings.  So, the ceremony yesterday was a combination of welcoming his father home for his final resting in the fields of the place where he and his family are from, and absolving the rest of the family from any rites to it.  The day was full of ceremonies between the sons and the father's nephews.  In the middle of the day there was a big lunch provided by the nephews on dad's side.  I think there were about 150 people there.  And it was very, very hot.  The family home is about 160 years old and way out in the country.  Obviously there was no air conditioning.  The houses have a really interesting design where all the common areas are outside in what is basically a huge covered porch.  Then there are interior rooms for sleeping and keeping personal things.   So, we were able to go up into one of the private rooms from time to time to get a little break from the outside heat, which was good.  The day ended with a dinner pretty late in the night, then a stop by my mother-in-law's family temple and her family house.

During the function there were a couple of things that the women had to do.  Before each meal the women had to each put a serving of the food that was prepared on a banana leaf as an offering to dad.  Then that was taken out to the field and left for the crows to eat.

Backing up several days, all of the sons had to shave their heads on the 5th day.  I wasn't sure how I was going to feel about seeing Vikas bald, but he actually looks really good.  The hair has grown out to a soft peach fuzz now and Jasmine loves to rub his head.  It will be interesting to see how long it takes to grow back in and if it comes in any differently from how it was before.

So, there's one last ceremony that will take place at my mother-in-law's native place on the 16th day (which happens to be my mother's birthday.)  After that things will go back to the normal routine.  In the mean time, I've gotten pretty good at cooking dal, upma, bajil, peera, beetroot and rice.  I think my repertoire will be expanding soon.  I'll keep you posted.

Aside from those activities, we spent a couple of days nursing Jasmine.  She came down with a high fever (102.7) that lasted for a couple of days.  She gets this fever every time we come to India.  We're still not sure what caused it but she better now.  I think it might just be brought on by the exhaustion from the long trip and the extreme change in climate and timing.  Anyway, I'm just assuming that it only makes her immune system stronger in the long run.

I think that's all for now.  I'll be posting again when I have time to write more.

Coconut Trees

The nice thing about mornings in Udupi is that you can look out the windows of the flat and see coconut trees surrounded by mist for as far as the eye can see.  It's like looking at a beautiful postcard, or an exotic travel book.  It really is like being in a dream sometimes.

The not so nice thing about mornings in Udupi is that the picturesque moment I described above doesn't last long.  Before the sun is fully up you can hear the horns and motors of the rikshas, buses and cars in the town.  And before breakfast is ready it's already HOT outside.  There are lots of windows in the flat, and high speed ceiling fans, but no air conditioning.  At this point I have to accept and admit that I'm a spoiled American.  When it's 85 degrees and you're standing in the kitchen cooking over an open flame, it's hard to manage without the AC.  Last night, for the first time in my life that I can remember, while I was helping to make chappatis (Indian tortillas), I realized that my legs were sweating.  That's the first time cooking ever caused my legs to sweat.  And speaking of cooking, I have to cut this entry short because it's time to make lunch.  Wish me luck.

Our arrival in India

Many of you know that my family had been planning on going to India to spend time with my husband Vikas's family for a while.  The original plan was for all 3 of us to leave on October 28th after I got back from the Tribal Pura event in Toronto.  Vikas's father had been ill for a few years and we decided to move the family to India for a while so we could spend time with his parents and let Jasmine have the experience of living in India while she's still young.  As my father-in-law's health started going down hill fast we decided to change Vikas and Jasmine's flights to October 18th and I would follow on the 28th.  Unfortunately, on the morning of the 18th, while we were getting Vikas and Jasmine ready to go to the airport, we got a call that his dad's condition had taken a serious turn and he might not make it until Vikas arrived in India.  I decided at that point to change my ticket and go along with them.  Carolena (my partner and teacher) was very understanding about it and said she would handle everything in Toronto and for me to focus on my family, which I greatly appreciated.  So, I called the airline and while I was on the phone with them changing my ticket, we got the call that he had passed away.  The only way the 3 of us could make the whole trip together was if we flew out of Atlanta instead of Birmingham.  That was fine, but we only had about 3 hours to get to the Atlanta airport in time to make it on time for the check-in for the flight.  It's a 2 1/2 hour drive.  That meant I had about 15 minutes to finish packing and getting everything into the car.  I was literally in the car on the way to catch the flight within 30 minutes of the original call. 

We arrived in Udupi (outside Mangalore, Karnataka, India) at 1:00 pm, October 20th Indian time.  We had been flying and driving for about 36 hours by then.  We got to the flat just after the older brothers had brought Papa's body home from the morgue.  There were about 2 hours of rituals that took place before the sons took his body out to the crematorium for the final rights.  When we arrived his body was laid out in the main room with incense and coconut oil lamps burning at his head and feet.  The house was pretty full already and it continued to fill up more and more as the hours passed.  All of the family members were called to anoint his body with saffron and another paste I didn't recognize and then wash his body with hot water.  After the washing, he was laid out in the main room again and everyone proceded to put cold water in his mouth, lay flowers on his chest and then the male relatives laid sandle-wood garlands on his chest before he was tied up in fresh white cloths and taken out of the house by the sons and son-in-laws.  Only the men are allowed to attend the actual cremation, so they all went to the crematorium and the girls all stayed back at the house with Amma (my mother-in-law).  After the men returned and everyone had taken a bath, we ate a modest meal of rice, dahl, chutni and pickle on the floor on banana leafs. 

October 21st.
We had breakfast in the morning then Paami (one of Vikas's cousins) took me into town to purchase some clothes.  In our rush to leave the house we forgot to put my suitcase into the car.  I arrived with only 2 tops and no change of pants or underwear.  Saroj loaned me a salwar kameez when I arrived at the flat yesterday so that was good.  I ended up purchasing 4 salwar kameez sets, some undies and pajamas, and a fancy sari for the ceremony on the 16th day.  We are supposed to go back today to pick up 3 of the salwar kameez sets but it's been raining since the wee hours of the morning and it's pretty messy outside. 

After breakfast, which I was supposed to help prepare but couldn't because I hadn't had a bath yet and there was a cue to take a bath, I had my first experience of the daughter-in-law's duties.  Now that all the neices have gone home, it's my responsibility to prepare the meals in the house.  Amma is not supposed to enter the kitchen to work (which I totally support) and it's considered girl's work so the men aren't expected to do it.  Fortunately, our family is a little less stuck on tradition and Vishu (the oldest brother) and Vikas helped Vilas (sister-n-law) make the breakfast this morning.   Vilas instructed me in how to prepare the dal and vegetables that we'll be eating at every meal.  The food is meant to be very simple for the next 16 days with no fried food, no oil, no milk or meat.  (Fortunately for me, Amma is vegetarian and isn't having milk right now so that makes the cooking easier.)