Our arrival in India

Many of you know that my family had been planning on going to India to spend time with my husband Vikas's family for a while.  The original plan was for all 3 of us to leave on October 28th after I got back from the Tribal Pura event in Toronto.  Vikas's father had been ill for a few years and we decided to move the family to India for a while so we could spend time with his parents and let Jasmine have the experience of living in India while she's still young.  As my father-in-law's health started going down hill fast we decided to change Vikas and Jasmine's flights to October 18th and I would follow on the 28th.  Unfortunately, on the morning of the 18th, while we were getting Vikas and Jasmine ready to go to the airport, we got a call that his dad's condition had taken a serious turn and he might not make it until Vikas arrived in India.  I decided at that point to change my ticket and go along with them.  Carolena (my partner and teacher) was very understanding about it and said she would handle everything in Toronto and for me to focus on my family, which I greatly appreciated.  So, I called the airline and while I was on the phone with them changing my ticket, we got the call that he had passed away.  The only way the 3 of us could make the whole trip together was if we flew out of Atlanta instead of Birmingham.  That was fine, but we only had about 3 hours to get to the Atlanta airport in time to make it on time for the check-in for the flight.  It's a 2 1/2 hour drive.  That meant I had about 15 minutes to finish packing and getting everything into the car.  I was literally in the car on the way to catch the flight within 30 minutes of the original call. 

We arrived in Udupi (outside Mangalore, Karnataka, India) at 1:00 pm, October 20th Indian time.  We had been flying and driving for about 36 hours by then.  We got to the flat just after the older brothers had brought Papa's body home from the morgue.  There were about 2 hours of rituals that took place before the sons took his body out to the crematorium for the final rights.  When we arrived his body was laid out in the main room with incense and coconut oil lamps burning at his head and feet.  The house was pretty full already and it continued to fill up more and more as the hours passed.  All of the family members were called to anoint his body with saffron and another paste I didn't recognize and then wash his body with hot water.  After the washing, he was laid out in the main room again and everyone proceded to put cold water in his mouth, lay flowers on his chest and then the male relatives laid sandle-wood garlands on his chest before he was tied up in fresh white cloths and taken out of the house by the sons and son-in-laws.  Only the men are allowed to attend the actual cremation, so they all went to the crematorium and the girls all stayed back at the house with Amma (my mother-in-law).  After the men returned and everyone had taken a bath, we ate a modest meal of rice, dahl, chutni and pickle on the floor on banana leafs. 

October 21st.
We had breakfast in the morning then Paami (one of Vikas's cousins) took me into town to purchase some clothes.  In our rush to leave the house we forgot to put my suitcase into the car.  I arrived with only 2 tops and no change of pants or underwear.  Saroj loaned me a salwar kameez when I arrived at the flat yesterday so that was good.  I ended up purchasing 4 salwar kameez sets, some undies and pajamas, and a fancy sari for the ceremony on the 16th day.  We are supposed to go back today to pick up 3 of the salwar kameez sets but it's been raining since the wee hours of the morning and it's pretty messy outside. 

After breakfast, which I was supposed to help prepare but couldn't because I hadn't had a bath yet and there was a cue to take a bath, I had my first experience of the daughter-in-law's duties.  Now that all the neices have gone home, it's my responsibility to prepare the meals in the house.  Amma is not supposed to enter the kitchen to work (which I totally support) and it's considered girl's work so the men aren't expected to do it.  Fortunately, our family is a little less stuck on tradition and Vishu (the oldest brother) and Vikas helped Vilas (sister-n-law) make the breakfast this morning.   Vilas instructed me in how to prepare the dal and vegetables that we'll be eating at every meal.  The food is meant to be very simple for the next 16 days with no fried food, no oil, no milk or meat.  (Fortunately for me, Amma is vegetarian and isn't having milk right now so that makes the cooking easier.)